“You Might Be An Athlete If…” by James Barnum

“You Might Be An Athlete If…” by James Barnum

We get asked this question all the time: “How do I know if I’m an athlete?”

ath·lete
noun
a person who is proficient in sports and other forms of physical exercise.
More and more people are becoming athletes nowadays, and while the definition is helpful, I thought it would be fun to compile a list of 59 telltale signs to remove any and all doubt.  You might be an athlete if…
  1. You feel more at home at the gym than you do at your actual home!
  2. You spend most of your waking hours thinking about PRing.
  3. You DREAM about PRing!
  4. You own ten pairs of shoes – not for vanity, but because you need running shoes, weightlifting shoes, street shoes, barefoot shoes, etc.
  5. You’ve ever had to ask for help getting out of a chair, because yesterday was leg day.
  6. Random people ask you if you work out, and you’re excited to respond!
  7. When you watch an action movie, you think to yourself, “I could do that.”
  8. Most of your wardrobe has been replaced with free t-shirts from fitness related events.
  9. You’ve had a bad day completely turn around as soon as you set foot in the gym.
  10. ANYTHING is a pull-up bar if you believe in yourself.
  11. Your normal friends know how much you squat, even though they don’t know whether or not it’s really heavy.
  12. Your Facebook profile pic is you hitting a heavy deadlift.
  13. You believe that squatting above parallel is a sin.
  14. You believe in forgiveness because not everyone has the proper flexibility to squat low enough and that’s OK, you’ll help!
  15. Most of your Facebook status updates involve a PR announcement, a video of you training, or a picture of new equipment.
  16. You never miss the opportunity to take a nap because naps = gains.
  17. You have a “fitfam.”
  18. All of your friends come to you for fitness/diet advice.
  19. You own an article of clothing with your gym’s name on it!
  20. You’ve attributed a great workout to watching a motivational YouTube video.
  21. You own more shaker bottles than you do regular glasses and cups.
  22. You’ve had nightmares about burpees.
  23. You think wearing an elevation mask is totally badass.
  24. Your coach has ever texted you the night before a competition to make sure you aren’t up late partying!
  25. You’d NEVER stay up late partying because you don’t want your coach to chew you out and you know better.
  26. You have a space reserved on your kitchen counter for all your supplements.
  27. You’ve shared a “leg day” meme on your social network.
  28. Your phone is filled with form check videos.
  29. You forget that “snatch” and “clean & jerk” have a different meaning to normal people.
  30. You have a rack or a rig set up in your garage so you can train at home.
  31. Your Instagram is basically just fit people and food.  And cats, of course.
  32. You know how big your arms are – you’ve measured, and my how they’ve grown!
  33. 9/10 people on your Facebook friends list are coaches, athletes, or fitness authors you look up to.
  34. You can’t wait to tell your friends and family about a great workout, even if they hate hearing about it.
  35. You have a section of wall in your home dedicated to all your event trophies.
  36. You have a pair of running shoes you wear for mud runs so you don’t ruin your OTHER running shoes!
  37. You stay up late obsessing over tomorrow’s workout, wondering if you’ll actually be able to hit all your goals.
  38. Most of your pants are too loose around the waist and calves and too tight around the thighs and booty.
  39. You’ve given up on jeans and spend most of your time in shorts or tights.
  40. Holidays piss you off because the gym is closed and you end up having to rearrange your schedule to fit in all your training.
  41. Family gatherings totally freak you out because you only talk about training, and your great grand Aunt Millie has no idea what you’re fucking talking about, and you feel awkward.
  42. You know what a “sweat angel” is.
  43. You’ve actually looked forward to taking an ice bath.
  44. You have nightmares involving boxes eating your shins.
  45. You’ve had to explain to a layperson what exactly a foam roller does/is.
  46. When you shake the hand of a new acquaintance, you wonder if they’ll notice your calluses and be impressed…or grossed out.
  47. You make time to work out.  No matter what.
  48. You’ve done/are doing a Paleo challenge.
  49. You have a backpack full of wraps, straps, jump ropes, and healthy snacks.
  50. You’ve been told to – more than once – talk about something other than working out.  You did not comply.
  51. You’ve spent a Friday night at home, alone, watching MobilityWOD.
  52. There is never enough coffee.  Or bacon.
  53. You’d rather be training right now.
  54. People think you’re CRAZY for wanting to train all the time :p
  55. When you enter a grocery store, your “gains sense” kicks in and you end up leaving with $200 worth of food.  Just for yourself.
  56. You’re in 16 different Facebook groups, all of which revolve around fitness or nutrition of some sort.
  57. While traveling, you make it a point to drop in at whatever legendary gyms are in the area so you can take pictures to impress your friends back home.
  58. You’ve bruised the ever-loving shit out of your shins, thighs, or collar bone on a barbell doing deadlifts or cleans.
  59. You made it all the way to the end of a “You Might Be An Athlete If…” list.

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